Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I need water and some morals
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
