Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
