Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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