looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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