Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So many bounce houses so little time
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
