No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
