i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
