I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
