if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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