No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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