he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
