So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
