just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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