Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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