I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I want is dick and wine.
Pooping to opera.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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