i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
