I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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