Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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