Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
