drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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