P.S. I can't hear my feet
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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