We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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