i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
