just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Its about making memories worth repressing
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
