mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
