Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She announced her abortion via fbk
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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