Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
