What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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