I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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