I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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