We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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