My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
