Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
