My cat gives me a boner
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
