College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
