Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
