You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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