I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
