I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
