After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
