I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
