wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
