I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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