we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
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Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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