remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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