I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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