Yo dont text me then not text me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
