Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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