i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
