im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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