Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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