What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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