I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
