if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
