Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
