Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
