I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
