I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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