best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
