I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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