so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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