My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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