I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
