I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
high people should be assigned attendants
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
