I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
