Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
