The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
