so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize