i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
