We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
