it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
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