He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
