the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
