so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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