maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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