THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
