Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
