he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
