I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
