All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
