Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
