The best revenge is premature balding
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
