We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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