She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
