I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
