i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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