drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
