i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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